It Is More Honourable To Beg and Survive Than Live A Life Of Lie and Die Because Of Pride

I came home one evening last December and saw bags and boxes in front of my door. When I asked who had them, I was told they belonged to a lady who was my sister's friend. 

They said she had gone to the market and because the bags were many she couldn't go with them.

I waited till about 7 p.m and no one came for the bags. I went out, came back late and the bags were still outside. I went in and slept.

Written By Henriette Nshan Tem

Very early the next morning, my junior sister knocked on my door, came in and told me she was seeking my permission for her friend to spend the holidays with us. Since it was the Christmas period, I told her it was ok by me.

Christmas came and passed, so did the New Year. Then the lady, who teaches in one of the primary schools around became comfortable. She left the house for work and came back in the evening ate, and felt belong.

The first school week passed, then during the second week, I asked why she was still at my place after the holidays were over. She begged that I give her some days again. From the way she was talking, I knew she had a problem, but what the problem was, I could not tell.

She spent the whole of January and at the end of that month, I asked if she was still going to stay longer and what happened to her house and she said she was looking for a house to rent because she had problems with her former landlord and he asked her to leave.

I observed her till mid-February. She was not being honest either to me or herself. She was working. She had collected her December and January salaries, yet she could not buy ordinary laundry soap for the house. She lied she had not been paid. The day we manage to cook food without meat or fish, she will go to the road and buy grilled pork, chicken or roasted fish, enjoy herself, drink a bottle of soft drink, wipe her mouth and come back home to sit with us.

I called her and asked if she had the intention to leave my house anytime soon or if she wanted to stay longer. She is a big girl. At times she comes home at 11 p.m, whereas I the house owner am never out at 7 p.m except I have a pressing job, and even at that everyone at home will know where I am and why I am out late.
It Is More Honourable To Beg and Survive Than Live A Life Of Lie and Die Because Of Pride
It Is More Honourable To Beg and Survive Than Live A Life Of Lie and Die Because Of Pride
She told me she had seen a room and will be packing out at the end of February.

One evening I got home and was told she had moved out. I asked why the people in the house did not go with her to see her new place so that we can go visit her? My sister her friend said Violet is not renting that she had moved into another person's house. She told me Violet's cousin said Violet had never rented a house, and that she moves from house to house inventing lies all the time and no one knows what she does with her money.

I couldn't sleep all night. I tried her lines and they were not going through. The next day very early in the morning, God brought her to my house. I was still in bed. She knocked on my room and entered, then sat on my bed after greeting me.

She started saying "Mama, I moved to my house yesterday when you were still out and I just said I should come and thank you for keeping me in your house for close to three months without me spending a dime etc... I had to come and see you this early morning before I go to work etc.." I asked her 'Violet where are you staying and with who?' She stammered that she was renting and called the name of a distant neighbourhood far from where she is teaching. 

If you calculate the daily transportation it will cost you 2000frs.

I sat up from bed, held her hands as if to pray for her and told her that she was lying to me and herself. She looked shabby that early morning. Her hair was unkempt. No makeup, nothing. I told her to tell me the truth. I asked if she had something to confide in me about herself and she stayed quiet. I told her I know where she has packed her things, she was sleeping on a bench and that at 38, she should be responsible for the little job she was blessed with.

As I spoke she cried, went down on her knees, but refuse to say anything. I tried to comfort her, asking her to come back home than exposing her life here and there. But she had already lied to everyone that she was renting her own room. I told her I never saw her with a plate or spoon of her own, talk less of a cooking stove and asked again if she was renting after talking to her, and she said NO.

Why all the lies and dishonesty? Why is she making it difficult for me or someone else to help her? I asked her to go and think and she went and went. After a week I went to check on her at her job site, and saw her looking horrible and unkempt. 

I asked if she was ok, but only the tears that rolled down her cheeks gave me the answer. I left, went home and cried to God for her.

Her only reason for not coming back to my house is because of the big trumpet she had blown of how she has rented a house, bought a bed, Tv, fridge etc..., and how she would be coming to take the kids to her house to spend weekends, whereas there was no house.

Dear friends, many of us reading this post today are behaving like Violet, talking big and reducing your chances of someone helping you. Most of us who were like that have outgrown that attitude and we saw how we missed opportunities trying to play big, whereas we had nothing.

If you don't have, say you don't have especially to someone who has the heart of helping you. Why would you claim you are this or that when in actual fact you are nothing?

Learn to accept situations as they come and acknowledge them. I cannot tell you how many friends I cry out to here on Social Media when I am in a tight corner, and they react immediately because some people think I have it all, but they are touched when I write or call to say 'sis I have this situation and I need help'. It is more honourable to be humble and cry for help to survive than carry your shoulders up in stupid pride in the public, and die behind closed doors.

A very proud guy here on Social Media once called that he wanted us to meet and I accepted. 20 minutes before our rendezvous, I was on a bike home. I passed him around Chateau buying Gateau and Yoghurt from this truck guys. I saw him biting the Gateau and sucking the Yoghurt in anger. I almost stopped, but I didn't want to make him feel bad. The way he ate on the road, was as if he had been starved for days.

I went home and fifteen minutes later, he gave me a call that he was about to drop off the taxi at Château, and asked how to continue. I directed him and he came. The first thing I did was to offer him a cold bottle of water.

I offered him food and he was like: ' I left a restaurant before I got here. I bought a plate of food for 3500frs and a bottle of wine'. I looked at the guy and almost screamed. I just saw him on the streets biting gateau and yet he was talking of a restaurant. God!

I went into the kitchen served him a pile of plantains and vegetable, invited him to the dining and went into the room for some few minutes. Before I came back, the guy had emptied the dish. Looks like he was swallowing the plantains without chewing. After our discussion, I gave him 2000frs, he thanked me and left.

Why would you pretend to have that which you don't have?

Today dear friends, I want us to learn to accept our situations, by reaching out honestly to those who can be of help to us without us pretending to be big. No one will help and mock you. Even if they do no problem, for as children of God, we are called to be each other's keeper and helper.

Remember 'Pride always goes before a fall'. You need me, I need you and we need each other to survive. So come down from that high horse before you fall and break your ribs because of stupid pride.


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One of the primary goals of Oudney Patsika is to use media to change the cultural narrative. He aims to impact today’s culture with more accurate, responsible, and positive media stories about Christianity and the Church. Get In Touch Today!
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