The Approval Trap: Are You Seeking Likes or a Life of Significance?
written By:
Oudney Patsika,
the Chief Editor at
Sona Headlines
& Marketing Officer at
Sona Solar Zimbabwe.
Featuring insights from Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi.
In our hyper-connected world, the quest for validation has become a silent epidemic. From chasing likes on social media to conforming in our personal and professional lives, the desire to be liked is a powerful, yet exhausting, human drive. But what is the true cost of this approval-seeking behaviour? According to Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi, an acclaimed Organisational and Personal Development Consultant, the price is nothing less than our authentic selves and the significant life we were meant to live. This article explores her powerful insights on breaking free from the approval trap and reclaiming control of your destiny.
Why We Crave Validation
The desire for approval is deeply ingrained in our human nature. As outlined in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the need for esteem and a sense of love and belonging are fundamental to our motivation. We naturally want to be around people who share our tastes and agree with us. In the digital age, this manifests as sharing photos and updating statuses in the hope of receiving validating comments and likes, which provide a temporary sense of happiness and acceptance.
The Exhausting Reality of People-Pleasing
Constantly seeking external validation is an unsustainable drain on your personal resources. Cynthia Hakutangwi points out that trying to be everything to everyone leads to a psyche that collapses under the weight of external expectations. It adds a superfluous and inefficient step to every decision, wasting valuable time and energy that could be invested in pursuing your own goals. She notes that a people-pleaser often makes everyone happy except themselves.
Relying on others' opinions can discourage you from following your heart and listening to your inner calling. Furthermore, it promotes fear. When you seek approval, you become anxious about the response, forming expectations and fearing disagreement. This fear holds you back, preventing you from taking the risks necessary for growth. Cynthia reminds us, "Fear only holds you back, but love will set you free." A foundation of self-love and assurance eliminates the need for external acceptance.
Breaking Free: The Path to a Significant Life
The first step to breaking free is awareness. Recognize how often you seek approval and understand that this action stems from internal doubt and insecurity. Cynthia advises taking the time to connect with your "essential self." Block out the external voices and listen to your inner voice. Developing a stable relationship with yourself is the key to finding true happiness and clarity on what you want out of life.
Remember that you are the one in control of your life's equation. While mentors and coaches are valuable resources for guidance, they are there to help you unleash your best self, not dictate your path. The next time you feel the urge to seek permission, remind yourself of your own agency. Listen to your heart and follow your inner spiritual compass, vision, and values. Others are often unsure of their own path, let alone yours. A life of significance is built on self-trust and authenticity, not the consensus of others.
Author's Commentary by Oudney Patsika
Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi's message is a powerful antidote to the anxieties of the modern age. In a world that commodifies attention and approval, her teachings highlight what I call the 'economy of authenticity.' She correctly identifies that seeking constant validation is not just emotionally draining but also strategically inefficient. It's a poor investment of our most valuable resources: time and energy.
Her call to connect with one's "essential self" is a profound business and life strategy. True market leaders, innovators, and influencers are rarely those who seek consensus. They are those who trust their inner compass and create value from a place of authenticity. This article is a critical reminder that a significant life—one of impact and genuine fulfillment—is not found in the fleeting approval of the crowd but in the courageous pursuit of one's own truth.
Key Takeaways
It stems from a fundamental human need for love, belonging, and esteem, as described in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Social media has amplified this desire for external validation.
It is unsustainable and leads to exhaustion, wasted time and energy, discouragement from following your heart, and a life dominated by fear and anxiety.
By first becoming aware of the behavior, then intentionally connecting with your "essential self" to understand your own values and goals, and finally, taking back control by trusting your inner compass over external opinions.
Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi is an Organisational and Personal Development Consultant, Life Coach, Author, and Strategist. Her two new additions to the Connection Factor Collection, “The Connection Factor for Leaders” and “The Connection Factor for Women,” speak to matters that position leaders and women to achieve greater success through their strategic connections.
Looking to improve your career, personal effectiveness, or relationships? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers strategies for you to achieve your goals.
Email: cynthia@cynthiac.net
LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi
Mobile: +263 717 013 206
Website: www.cynthiac.net
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