The Law Of Giving and Receiving In Marriage

Until 2005, I have always thought that marriage is a place where spouses,(especially the husband) receives only.

Like many men, I had a programmed mind that said “my wife must do everything in her power to please me, to love me, to make our marriage work.” But I was wrong; that thinking was deficient, egocentric, monopolistic, selfish and “demigodistic”. Oh yeah, many men, especially African men, pose as some demigods in their marriages.

Please, I am not out to condemn or demonize the menfolk because I am a man myself. As a balanced relationship and marriage coach/counselor, I am out to correct a wrong perception of marriage, to reprogramme a wrong thinking pattern.

I’ve seen and heard many African men say boastfully that African marriages are the best in the world going by the rate of divorce (we have a lower divorce rate than any other part of the world).

While this assertion about the divorce rate is true and a plausible one, however, I have a contrary opinion. African husbands are not better than their counterparts of other parts of the world. We are just the same except that here we have cultures and customs that have to a large extent relegated women to the background, caged them, restricted them to truly expressed their feelings.

The Law Of Giving and Receiving In Marriage with Oudney Patsika

Whereas on the other hand, our men in most cases are freer, sometimes exalted as taskmasters, lords and demigods in marriages, and in the society at large. What many husbands call marriage here is nothing but a “prison” or “mini-hell” for their wives. Once again, I am saying: I am not out to condemn or demonize the men but to correct a wrong notion of marriage, believe me. I was once there.

Marriage is a place where both spouses give to and receive from each other (spiritually, sexually, emotionally, financially). It’s a place of mutuality and friendship. One spouse alone is not expected to do all things to make their marriage work while the other does nothing. Both spouses are expected to create their own marital experience together.

Just this afternoon, I was irked as I saw many marriage posts targeting, teaching, correcting and advising the women alone. That’s good but my deep concern is why are we not writing the same number of marriage posts advising, teaching, counseling or correcting men also?

Why women all the time?

Are men perfect?

Is marriage built around the women alone?

Don’t the men need the same advice since marriage is about the two spouses?

Hmmmm!

One other day I came across some posts where women were taught how to please their husbands and make them happy. For God’s sake! No, that is deficient teaching. Both spouses should be taught how to please each other.
Dear men, if you want your marriage to be sweet, happy, blissful and successful, please don’t come into marriage or don’t lead your marriage as a demigod. Be a friend, a soulmate, a partner in progress, and you will be glad you did.

In my marriage, my wife and I are living to please each other (I am not waiting for her to please or make me happy). We just don’t receive from each other, but we give as well whatever will make our marriage work because from the Bible we understand that “it’s more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). In fact, as the husband in my marriage, I give more than my wife does and she knows it and she is eternally grateful to God and me.

Dear friends, in your marriage, live as friends, “paddies”, “personal persons”, soulmates, sex mates, finance mates, projects mates, etc. Deepen your marital experience by fostering a better understanding of the two of you each new day. Love your spouse unconditionally.

Make sacrifices for each other again and again.

Respect yourselves.

Satisfy yourselves sexually.

Pray together.

Worship and serve God together.

Develop and establish a free-flowing communication in your marriage.

Build one another.

Trust yourselves.

Uphold and honour your marital vows till death do you part.

Tolerate yourselves more.

Be patient with one another more.

Believe in each other’s dreams and support each other.

Cherish each other by seeing yourselves as the best thing that has happened to both of you. If you can reprogramme your mindset like I did some years back, your marriage will be blissful, sweet, evergreen, hot, enjoyable, happy and successful. Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking and sharing.

See you at the top!

Your friend,

Extracted From Coach Joshua by Oudney Patsika

The Law Of Giving and Receiving In Marriage with Oudney Patsika

The Law Of Giving and Receiving In Marriage with Oudney Patsika

The Law Of Giving and Receiving In Marriage with Oudney Patsika

The Law Of Giving and Receiving In Marriage with Oudney Patsika

Welcome To Oudney Patsika's Blog: Getting Your Message Heard in a Noisy World: In today’s media-driven, distracted culture, your message must be amplified to reach a larger audience.

Contact Us through the Chat with WhatsApp widget below.