The Disrespect Was The Closure: Why You Don't Need One Last Conversation
By Oudney Patsika — How do you handle a relationship that feels toxic, yet you find yourself unable to move on because you haven't received that elusive "closure"? It is a common human struggle: waiting for a final, sensible conversation that validates your pain.
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| Waiting for an apology that never comes keeps you trapped in the cycle. |
But what if the closure you are looking for has been right in front of you all along? We often mistake closure for a peaceful resolution, an apology, or an acknowledgment of wrongdoing. However, in toxic dynamics, the closure isn't in what they say at the end; it is in what they did throughout the middle.
The Signs Were The Answer
I saw it once put very, very succinctly. You are waiting for words, but their actions have already spoken.
The disrespect was the closure. You do not need a final meeting to confirm they didn't value you. The moments they belittled you, ignored your boundaries, or treated you with contempt were the final statement.
The inability to allow you to express your feelings without being attacked or dismissed was the closure. If you couldn't speak your truth then, you won't be heard now.
The gaslighting and the rewriting of history was the closure. When they told you that your reality wasn't real, or twisted events to make themselves the victim, that was your answer.
The refusal to come to the table and discuss things like adults the thousand previous times the offer was made was the closure. Why would the 1,001st time be different?
The refusal to take any accountability was the closure. The redirection of every affront and every assault, putting the blame back on you, was the closure.
A Personal Testament
Sometimes, the loudest message is delivered in silence and carelessness.
I served an organization faithfully for more than 15 years. Over a decade and a half of dedication, only to be suspended without a proper heads-up. There was no hearing, no round-table discussion, and absolutely no opportunity given for them to hear my side of the story. Then came the letter—riddled with errors, showing a complete lack of thought or care.
After reading that careless letter, I knew I had to leave. That document was the closure I needed. From then on, I knew that no meeting or words from them would explain why they betrayed me. Their action was the closure.
Eventually, they came back. They admitted, "We made a mistake, let us sit down and talk." But by then, I had achieved a completeness of resolution. I realized that I didn't need their apology to heal or their approval to be whole. I took a bold stance to move on and rebuild my life. That refusal to look back was the best decision of my life.
The Trap of the Late Apology
Sometimes the apology comes after the disrespect. But you must realize that an apology that only arrives after they see your bold move to walk away is not a sincere one.
You have to ask yourself: Why did they wait for you to respond for them to realize their wrong? Why did it take your absence for them to "value" your presence?
If the apology is triggered by your strength, it is often a manipulation to pull you back, not a genuine admission of guilt. They aren't apologizing because they hurt you; they are apologizing because they lost control over you.
Their initial action and their original words are the closure that you need. Do not let a panicked, late apology rewrite the history of their disrespect.
The Final Verdict
What closure is it precisely that you're looking for? You're looking for the person to finally soften, to open their heart and to show some compassion. But my friend, if that were possible, why didn't it happen till now?
It's not going to happen at your "exit interview." All of the evidence, the preponderance of repeated evidence, is all the closure that you need.
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