I am a man aged 28 and last month I had a friend request on Facebook that I accepted from a man two years older than me who has been a good friend so far.
He normally comments on my pictures and he is always nice to me. I discovered he was a mutual friend with my wife and something just told me to ask her how she knows him. She looked shocked when I asked and first told me it was a relative in the extended family, which is why he sent me a request as well.
Two days later my wife confessed that the guy is actually her ex-boyfriend who is a good friend. She apologised for lying to me. I forgave her and asked her to stop talking to him. I even sent a message to the man to leave me and my wife alone. My wife tells me that I overreacted and it was uncalled for. I got angry by her statement and I slapped her, which I regret. She has since forgiven me and it’s not something that will happen again. But when I reflect on all that I wonder whether I really overreacted. Was I really wrong in calling an end to the relationship? - Tinei
Dear Tinei
The only wrong thing you did here was slapping your wife. Violence does not solve issues, she is not a small girl that you punish with a little spanking. That is only the moment you overreacted. Some may call you insecure or overprotective by telling your wife to stop communication with her ex, but you have all the reasons to react the way you did. Your wife did not tell you the truth about this man the first time you asked, which means she was a bit uncomfortable with you finding out.
You don’t feel comfortable when you know they may be strings attached to that friendship, she may not necessarily be interested in her ex-boyfriend but he may be. The best way to deal with the situation is to cut all ties. It is not healthy to have ex-lovers as friends - especially as family friends. They end up knowing the weakness of their friend’s partner and they may ride on that to get their ex back. It is just not a healthy situation to a marriage. The Zimbabwean
He normally comments on my pictures and he is always nice to me. I discovered he was a mutual friend with my wife and something just told me to ask her how she knows him. She looked shocked when I asked and first told me it was a relative in the extended family, which is why he sent me a request as well.
Two days later my wife confessed that the guy is actually her ex-boyfriend who is a good friend. She apologised for lying to me. I forgave her and asked her to stop talking to him. I even sent a message to the man to leave me and my wife alone. My wife tells me that I overreacted and it was uncalled for. I got angry by her statement and I slapped her, which I regret. She has since forgiven me and it’s not something that will happen again. But when I reflect on all that I wonder whether I really overreacted. Was I really wrong in calling an end to the relationship? - Tinei
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The only wrong thing you did here was slapping your wife. Violence does not solve issues, she is not a small girl that you punish with a little spanking. That is only the moment you overreacted. Some may call you insecure or overprotective by telling your wife to stop communication with her ex, but you have all the reasons to react the way you did. Your wife did not tell you the truth about this man the first time you asked, which means she was a bit uncomfortable with you finding out.
You don’t feel comfortable when you know they may be strings attached to that friendship, she may not necessarily be interested in her ex-boyfriend but he may be. The best way to deal with the situation is to cut all ties. It is not healthy to have ex-lovers as friends - especially as family friends. They end up knowing the weakness of their friend’s partner and they may ride on that to get their ex back. It is just not a healthy situation to a marriage. The Zimbabwean
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