I want to talk about having a 'married state' of mind. This is because I have been married for five (5) years now and if there is something that I now understand about marriage - it is that the two (2) of us (me and my wife are not perfect)
We all have our flaws and weaknesses. These flaws and weaknesses do not make us incompatible for each other or for marriage. They actually make us better suited for each other.
Having a good marriage actually begins when you can sit down and be able to list five (5) things that are wrong with you ... and the longer you are married the list actually actually gets bigger and becomes easier to write. A man or woman who knows that they have flaws and is able to list those flaws is easier to stay married to. You have to be able to list what is wrong with you - so that when your spouse tells you about those area - you will not act surprised.
If you want to be successful in marriage you have to know that you are not perfect and also that your marriage will not be perfect.
When you cannot list what is wrong with you in a relationship - then know that you are not yet ready for marriage. This is because a person who cannot list or talk about what is wrong with them ... they have no room in their head for being imperfect. A person who does not know what is wrong with them cannot make adjustments for the areas they are imperfect - and they are very difficult to stay married to.
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| Let Me Get This Off My Chest A Bit (A Long Read) |
A man or woman who feels they are perfect are more imperfect that you think - run away from them.
Knowing your areas of imperfections does not actually destroy the relationship; it actually consolidates it. In essence, when you cannot list what is wrong with you - it means you are not ready to make adjustments. You have to take time and know where you are not perfect and in what manner you are not perfect and how your imperfections can wear on your marriage - This allows you to prepare yourself for that marriage.
Doing so will help you to develop what is called a married state of mind. A married state of mind is knowing that your spouse is moody and will not make you happy for the next three (3) days and you can smile about it.
Knowing that for the next few days your will not be happy - a married state of mind looks for a book to ready in those three (3) days and not a babe or side chick - A married state of mind looks for a book to read and not a babe (or side chick).
A married state of mind says I am willing to be unhappy for a little while - Am willing to go for a month or two (2) months without sex in your marriage whilst we are dealing with our issue at hand - A married state of mind will not run into the are of another babe because the wife at home is tight armed and legged and the side chick is ready to receive you with both open arms and open legs.
A married state of mind goes back the the last chapter of the book you are reading and not the last conversation it had with the babe (or side chick).
1. You will not have a good and happy marriage 365, 24/7. You will have ups and downs - but stay within your marriage.
2. You will not have sex every day - sometimes - you will go for a month up to two months dealing with issues - Do not run to a prostitute even if they cost $5.00 and their services are far much less than cooking oil. Sleep in the same bed with her even if she is not happy with you or the other way round.
3. A married state of mind is determined to endure the dry nights, the arguments, the hard times ... because that state of mind is monogamous. Cheating on your spouse is a comfort zone for boys who cannot face their challenges and deal with them until the marriage is back to happy..!
Do you have a married state of mind.. #sahwira.
List five (5) things wrong with you.. #shamwari.
Originally published at www.oudneypatsika.com on December, 2018.
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