Saturday, 16 June 2018

My Husband Is A Gossiper - He Even Has The Nerve To Gossip About Me!

My husband is a gossiper. He gossips about everything and everybody. He even gossips about his daughter to his sister and has the nerve to gossip about me to all of them. I have caught him on the phone doing it. It is sickening ... He did not gossip when we were dating or in the beginning of our marriage. Now everything is out on the table and I’m wondering what is what. 


How do I handle a husband who gossips about me to his friends and family without destroying my marriage?


The Harm in Gossip: While your husband is probably not intentionally trying to hurt you, he is hurting you. Moreover, he has lost your trust and your respect — two of the most crucial components in a long-term loving relationship. Therefore, I think that his perpetual gossiping is a very serious matter and that you should treat it that way.

If it were merely harmless gossip on occasion, then it might not be so bad. After all, everyone has some flaws. But persistent gossip, particularly when it is negative and about private matters concerning you and his own child, is offensive and damaging to your relationship. He doesn’t seem to realize that such gossip simply broadcasts his own insecurity and is only appealing to those who are equally insecure.

You must let him know how seriously this affects you and your relationship. You will be forced to withhold your private thoughts in an effort to protect yourself. As a result, you will become isolated and feel increasingly repelled by him. Under such conditions, the relationship will inevitably whither.

I would take a two-pronged approach including 1) a frank discussion about the matter, and 2) speaking up each time you catch him gossiping in an inappropriate manner.
My Husband Is A Gossiper - He Even Has The Nerve To Gossip About Me!
1. Having a Discussion: Sit down with your husband. Let him know clearly how serious the matter is. Be kind. Start by telling him what you like about him or what initially attracted you to him. Then tell him that you don’t intend to hurt or criticize him, but that you need to tell him how your feelings about him are changing due to his behavior.

For example, “I am concerned that I am losing my respect and love for you because you gossip so much. When you talk about others and especially about me to others, I feel uncomfortable and repelled. I think you should know that it is causing me to lose my trust in you, the core of our relationship. I don’t want to criticize you and hurt your feelings. I want us to go back to cherishing our relationship and our private life. I am asking you if you are willing to stop gossiping with others. I am telling you this because I need you to know how much it is affecting me, and it is also affecting our relationship.”

If he gets defensive, remain calm and listen to what he has to say. Repeat the above if necessary. If he will not converse, write it down in a compassionate letter. There is also a lot of resource material available online. You might want to share a couple of articles or a video on this topic with him.

2. Responding to specific instances of gossip: Let harmless gossip go unchallenged, it is common.

But each time you hear him gossiping inappropriately or maliciously, say something like the following: “I heard you talking about me (my sister, my father, our daughter) to X, which makes me feel terrible. If you have something you want to talk to me about, please talk to me, but not to anyone else. I want our relationship to be special, appropriate and private. Let’s be a team and avoid bringing other people into our relationship.”

If he continues despite your speaking up over a period of time, then I would let him know that the trust is gone, causing the connection to be broken, and that you want to attend counseling with him in order to try to rescue the relationship.
Handling a gossiping spouse: There are very few hard and fast rules when it comes to marriage. We are all different, with different kinds of ways to handle our relationships.

Marriage is a relationship between two adults of the opposite sex. But what some couples fail to realize is that gossip can be a major threat to their home, especially when it is between a mother and her son about his wife and a wife and her family about her husband. This has caused a lot of problems in so many homes today that led to separations, divorces, spousal abuse et al.

What is gossiping?
It is an unrestrained and derogatory conversation about other people, and it often involves betraying a confidence and spreading sensitive information or hurtful judgments about them.

A big part of dealing with people who gossip about you is understanding gossip, the thoughts that run in the mind of those who gossip and the psychology behind it.


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